“I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes. I had one thousand and sixty.”
(Imelda Marcos)

“I have, like, thousands of shoes.”
(Paris Hilton)

“I have loads of wig-heads for hats and a shoe-wall filled from floor to ceiling. It even has a ladder on wheels, a bit like an old library, so I can scoot along and get what I want quickly.”
(Christina Aguilera)

“I own between two and three thousand pairs of shoes.”
(Celine Dion)

“I own 5,000 pairs of shoes. It’s mad.”
(Lindsay Lohan)

“I love Manolo Blahnik shoes. My son makes me feel so guilty, though — he looks in my cupboard and says, ‘Mum you have more shoes than anyone else in the world.’”
(Jerry Hall)

“Now, I have about 500-600 pairs of shoes. I had to clear out a room in my house to put them all in.”
(Tamara Mellon, president of Jimmy Choo)

If, like me, you occasionally (ahem) read celebrity interviews, you too may have noticed a common thread among them: Female celebrities are often asked — and seem quite willing to reveal — how many pairs of shoes they own. And, no big shock: They own a lot. Of the quotes I’ve come across (see above), owning 500-600 pairs of shoes is on the low end of the spectrum — by a factor of ten.

Since these women are so willing to divulge, I thought it might be fun to do a little analysis. Let’s take a moment to figure out just what these numbers actually mean, using the currencies of time, space, and United States dollars.

We’ll answer the following questions, based on the noted assumptions, which may of course be wildly inaccurate. But since this is just a fun Friday exercise, we won’t sweat the whole accuracy thing too much.

• How many days would it take to wear each woman’s entire collection? We assume they wear 2 pairs per day, every day.
• How much storage space does their collection require? We assume that each shoe occupies a 12″x9″x6″ area; we use a “standard” room measuring 9′x8′, with 8′ ceilings (which just happens to be roughly the size of my guest bedroom) as the unit of measure, and assume that it’s lined on all 4 walls with floor-to-ceiling shoe racks.
• How much time did it take to shop for the collection? We assume 30 minutes per pair, and we’re measuring in 8-hour days (what we normal folk call “work days”)
• How much money did each spend on her collection? We assume $300/pair — This could be way too low! Jerry has a thing for Manolos; so she’s spending at least $600/pair (unless she shops the sales!). On the other hand, each collection probably also includes less expensive shoes, and perhaps all were not purchased at today’s prices, or were “gifts” from manufacturers, PR folks, and the like.

In addition, for those celebs who didn’t specify the precise number of shoes they own, I also made some guesses:

• Celine claims between 2-3,000 pairs. What’s with the 1,000-shoe range? Sounds to me like she’s trying to hide the real number! I’m putting her down for 2,999 pairs.
• For Paris, who claims “like, thousands of shoes”, I’m assuming 2,000 pairs. Sorry, Paris, if I guessed too low! Besides, can we really be sure she wasn’t counting individual shoes rather than pairs of shoes?
• Christina claims only a single shoe wall (which I’m guessing is bigger than our standard room). Sounds like 750 pairs to me.
• According to Jerry’s son, Jerry has more shoes than anyone else in the world (and who would know better than he?). Last I checked, the world includes Lindsay and her 5,000 pairs, so let’s call Jerry’s number 5,001.

So, without further explanation, let’s take a look at the numbers:

There are also intangibles to consider: What about the time and cost associated with organizing these massive collections? And, how long does it take to find the pair you want to wear? What about the emotional angst associated with having to wait for or not being able to get the IT shoe? Should we also count bills for therapy and/or prescription meds? These sorts of costs cannot be captured in any chart.

Of course, we tease because we love! Far be it for Fantastic Toe to pass judgment on these celebs: They can obviously afford their amazing collections, and have every right to them. In fact, if they need help organizing their shoes, or wish to display them for interested parties to see, might I suggest they get a Fantastic Toe membership? It’s free!

[Fantastic Toe is currently closed for renovations and is not available.]